Running out of Time...

So, do you ever get that feeling like maybe you are running out of time to get any of your dreams? I mean, I'm 22 and I'm not getting any older. Can I keep pushing my talents and trying to get that record company and or acting contract... how old does a person have to be to realize that their dreams won't come true? I mean, can dreams come true? Are dreams the product of an unrealized part of Gods plan? I mean, does God give us dreams so that we can aspire to reach them, so that his plan is accomplished... wait... does that make since? I mean, can my want and desire to perform just be that... a want? I feel like this is one of those questions that I ask a lot... that I mull over and over in my mind trying to find that answer. It might be too far to say that it haunts me but it troubles me that I'm not content. Restless... very restless... my body feels disconnected from the world, like I'm watching the rest of civilization get exactly what they want and here I am... lost and confused.

I know that I really need a better outlook on life... lol... I feel like I'm always depressed when I blog. I'm really not a depressed person, its just easier for me to explain my feelings in words instead of explaining them in person. Yea, doesn't really make since, but whateves. I don't really have any one to talk to either... well, I definitely have friend who will listen, but I don't like to bother people with my problems... So I'm bothering the two people who read my blog. Who are actually my two best friends, who actually know my issues. So... yea.

I guess I need to stop watching "Hannah Montana The Movie"... lol Because she has what I want and it makes me cry and then makes me depressed that I will never get that moment in my life. That I will never know what it feels like to stand on a stage, surrounded by millions of fans, spotlight, applause, loud bass and electric guitar... feeling the bumping of the drums in my chest... the vibrations of the clapping on the stage... standing there with a huge smile on my face. Meeting fans who tell me that my music has touched their lives and having my fans change my life as well. Using my talents to help further God's kingdom. Gee... Its so close!!! I'm so close to my dreams yet so so far away.

One of these days I'll be a nationally renowned recording artist, right?

holiday season

Its been a weird couple of months... So much stuff has happened that I can't even begin to explain...

So its nearing Thanksgiving which means that its close to Christmas which means its close to New Years Eve which means its close to Valentines Day. Ugh, I love the holidays, its just that it sets you up for disappointment... You see commercials and hear songs about spending the holidays with someone special... But what happens when I don't have that someone special to spend the holidays with. I mean, I have family and friends who I spend it with but its different. I hate that this is what I long for... I hate that I want a relationship so badly that I get depressed around the holidays because of it. Why can't God just be enough for me? Why can't my family and friends just be enough for me? When will I learn that a male companion isn't going to make my life worth living? I don't know... Just venting.