So... In two days it will be Christmas. A holiday that should be happy and beautiful... A holiday that celebrates the life of Jesus. If that's the case, then why do I frown? I think the holidays set you up for disappointment. You see commercials and you see the couples and you don't have what they say you should have. You walk around, with the snow and the lights and you see couples walking hand in hand, smiling and cuddling and you know that that's never going to happen for you. But is that what it should be like? No! Not at all... Who cares if you don't have a boyfriend... The world contradicts its self... Women should be impowered, they should independent, they shouldn't depend on men. Totally opposite of what the entertainment industry tells us... Ugh, what does a women do? What happens when my longing for a boyfriend, for an uplifting life companion, overcomes my desire to to be a music artist. Its an awful feeling, the feeling of confusion, mixed with frustration and a pinch of depression. It can bring even the strongest person to their knees.
But then there's the question of, if I do get a boyfriend, what changes? Am I going to be ridiculously happy or will I still struggle with depression? I'm tired of wanting to be loved... I'm tired of it because I don't get it. Lol... Its a vicious cycle if you ask me.
But it is Christmas and I am looking forward to dressing up and going to the Christmas Eve service and being with family... It will be awesome! It will be nice to go to Pennsylvania and hang with family I don't get to see very often, it will be nice to get away for a few days... Hopefully to figure out what's really going on in my life, to figure out what I'm really going to do with the rest of my life.
Oh, I'm looking for something to do for New Years... Any ideas?!?
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