Waiting... on what?

I don't mean to be depressed... I don't want to be. I would much rather just smile and pretend that everything is ok... But I can't. I can't just sit here and say that I'm doing ok. I am tired physically and emotionally... Drama is rampant in my life and its awful. Shouldn't I be content with my life? I mean, isn't that what they teach you? "Be content with God's plan" "Be content with what God's got for you" But how can you be content in a world that throws things like beauty and riches into your face. How can you be content when the dreams you dream don't seem to be available to you at all... I hate that I just want to curl into a ball and cry my eyes out, just want to stop living my life. Can I classify that as seasonal depression? Even if every season is depressing? I guess I need to stop planning for my dreams... I need to look towards tomorrow but tomorrow isn't looking all that good. My dreams are far away, they look like they aren't even close. Do I really have to realize that my dreams aren't going to happen and start planning for a mediocre life? Work that dead end job, marry the guy that's good for me instead of my dream guy? Well, at least its going to snow... Maybe.