what just happened?

Its Thursday, David crowder band is performing at Red Lion tonight and I'm super excited! Mr. Crowder is an exceptional musician and worship leader. Um kinda jealous... Haha. So last night we had this traveling band come and do youth group for us and they were awesome. I can't for the life of me remember the name of the group but they were from the north west... MN maybe? They were all very talented and I looked at my friend Morgan and was like, "why am I not doing this?" its definitely something I would find joy in but I can't leave this youth group hanging. Mark was like, I don't want you to... Haha... And to be completly honest, the guys were so cute! Haha... Anywho, I'm still sick and now I feel like I'm dying from being to tired... Life isn't fun right now... But of course when is it?

Well, I'm working so ill catch you on the flip side!

burned out

It hasn't been the best week for me. I've been trying to get over this cold that I've had for three weeks now and I've been super busy.

Middle school youth group is taking it out of me. They are so frustrating! They don't listen, They talk back, and they are super disrespectful. Last night I just ended my talk with me walking away! I can't do it! It must be me because if Debra or Chris talk, they listen, but when I talk, they talk to their neighbors or they talk back to me. Its not really fair. I love these kids and I want to teach them something about God but they don't want to hear it. Now, there are definitely some kids who do want to and who respect me and its those kids who I'm staying for. This youth group is my Home... No matter what they do, they can't make me love them any less. It might sound silly but in all seriousness, if I left them, I would be only screwing with their minds and I would be leaving them at their most vulnerable time. I can't do that to those kids, even if they make me cry.

I guess the best part of this week so far is that I recorded a three track EP. I'm so excited about it... And we are going on a retreat on friday! I'm really praying that God speaks to these kids and to me this weekend!

Welp. Ill see you on the flipside!

busy day

Wow, its tuesday and that means I'm busy from 7 in the morning until 9 that night... I work at Cosi and then direct a third grade elite choir and then I go to work at Chick Fil A... Fun times! I'm so tired today tho!

Last night I laid down a three track EP and I'm so excited about it. I feel as if I can now pursue my dreams... I now have the means of getting farther in my singing... It sounds pretty cool...

I guess I'm still trying to figure out what God is trying to show me. I mean, I know what he wants me to change and I'm working on it, but I feel like he's telling me something else. I don't know what it is and I'm trying to achieve the goals set out for me, but I seem to fail at that.

Well, just a snippit of a very hectic day, check back through the day I and ill keep you updated!

Love,
LissieAnn

opportunity

Its Monday, february 16th... Two days after Valentine's Day. I hate Valentine's Day... But this year, it was actually a fun day. I went out with my sister and my good friend to dinner and a movie and we got dressed up and looked silly eating at Red Robin but who cares! Friday I had my first gig type thing... It was for my friends church to raise money for the youth group. I had a lot of fun planning my set list and being on stage was a dream. And today I'm going to be recording my first single! I'm so excited! Hopefully this will be the beginning of my dreams!

alone...

I'm feeling really alone today. I know its satan telling me that I'm alone and worthless but its working. I'm so discouraged... Frustrated with the way things aren't working out. I know that I want to work with and in the church but I'm failing. I'm failing at being who God wants me to be and failing at helping people come to know Christ. Ugh...I feel like I'm losing my kids at youth group. That they are so used to seeing me as an equal and now they are forced to see me as their leader. As someone they have to listen to. I don't want to lose them because they are my friends, I just want some respect. Is that so hard to expect? I mean, I'm supposed to be respected,right? I think I've earned their respect. I've never betrayed their trust and I truly care for them. I spend a good amount of time preparing lessons for them, hoping that God will teach them something but my time goes to waste. I end up telling them that they are disrespectful. I'm tied to scolding the kids. I'm not old enough to be their parents... Ugh...

Its been a rough day. I'm sick and frustrated. My drama team is performing on Sunday for all three services and it has to be perfect. Its a very important drama that can't be messed up. I guess I'm not worried they are going to mess up, I'm worried I'm not worthy enough to present this skit. That for some reason, someone is going to look down on me for performing it. Dumb, I know. But I'm scared that the congregation won't be open to it. That they will just see a bunch of teenagers on stage fooling around.

Well, I'm tied and its getting late, so I'm off to bed...

See you on the flip side!

Lissieann

O the irony

I don't even know where to begin. After a great weekend, I find myself hiding away in the darkness of my room watching romantic movies. Ok, so I watched "Perfect Man" and "Sweeney Todd". But the point is, why is it that I allow the devil to bring me to such a low! Its so frustrating that I get like this. I can hear God telling me that before he uses me in a leadership position I need to change my life around! I know where to start I just can't seem to get there! Ugh!

Is it wrong for me to desire a relationship with an amazing Christian man who not only loves God but loves music and can treat me like a woman? I'm beginning to wonder if I'm going to ever have a man, a husband, a friendship on fire, a love of my life... Am I to be single for the rest of my life?

I know this isn't one of my brightest blogs but I guess I had to get that off my chest.

See you on the flip side!

Lissieann