alone...

I'm feeling really alone today. I know its satan telling me that I'm alone and worthless but its working. I'm so discouraged... Frustrated with the way things aren't working out. I know that I want to work with and in the church but I'm failing. I'm failing at being who God wants me to be and failing at helping people come to know Christ. Ugh...I feel like I'm losing my kids at youth group. That they are so used to seeing me as an equal and now they are forced to see me as their leader. As someone they have to listen to. I don't want to lose them because they are my friends, I just want some respect. Is that so hard to expect? I mean, I'm supposed to be respected,right? I think I've earned their respect. I've never betrayed their trust and I truly care for them. I spend a good amount of time preparing lessons for them, hoping that God will teach them something but my time goes to waste. I end up telling them that they are disrespectful. I'm tied to scolding the kids. I'm not old enough to be their parents... Ugh...

Its been a rough day. I'm sick and frustrated. My drama team is performing on Sunday for all three services and it has to be perfect. Its a very important drama that can't be messed up. I guess I'm not worried they are going to mess up, I'm worried I'm not worthy enough to present this skit. That for some reason, someone is going to look down on me for performing it. Dumb, I know. But I'm scared that the congregation won't be open to it. That they will just see a bunch of teenagers on stage fooling around.

Well, I'm tied and its getting late, so I'm off to bed...

See you on the flip side!

Lissieann