Forgotten

Ugh... its been a long time since I've been this depressed. A very long time. I'm not happy and things in my life just keep getting worse. I'm not really sure what to do...

So, I really feel as if some of my "friends" have forgotten about me. I feel like I make efforts to hang out and make plans, but my friends don't. I'm just someone they can use. Someone that gives them what they need, and when I'm not a necessity anymore, they just throw me out. And this will be construed as I'm just trying to make drama... but I'm really hurting. I don't want to draw attention to myself, but really? If I don't say anything, it will keep happening. So I feel like a dumb ass when I post something on facebook or on my art page because I don't want people to think I'm just looking for attention. I'M NOT!!!! I'm in pain and I just want it to stop. I'm pysically alone... Spiritually, I know that God is there and I'm so thankful for the love and forgiveness he has given me, but honestly... I need something to touch!!! I need someone to love me for real.

Every person has a love language. Mine are the following: 1) words: meaning, saying kind things that build me up 2) actions: meaning, showing me that you care... I don't think those things are hard!! I'm not asking for presents or money or stupid meaningless stuff like that, I'm asking for someone to make a sacrifice for me. To show me that they really do care.

I hate crying, but its been a long time since I've felt like this. A long time since I've wanted to just lie in bed with the covers over my head and cry... for a very very very long time. But I'm a big girl. I have a job that depends on me and bills that won't just wait forever. I have things that need to get done, so I won't be that girl... that girl that is depressed and stays depressed. I will move on, I will find new friends and be more careful with the things I agree to do. I won't let this bring me down. I'm determined to be better and to make a difference...

So there!!!!!!