Epic Fail

I'm not really sure how to begin this blog. Its been a ridiculously long week and this coming week is going to be so much worse. I'm kinda getting tired of walking around with a smile plastered to my face, pretending that I'm happy. Well... I'm happy to a degree, but crap is filling up my life and making it hard to see the good in the bad. I mean, seriously, its not even relationships that I'm talking about. Its stupid, little things... ok, not so little things, but stuff that shouldn't be stressing my life out are. My car for instance. I don't have the money to fix it nor do I have the money to get a new one. And then there's this thing with my sister. I can't get into much detail, but it isnt' good. She's making decisions that will ruin her life if she follows through with them. And she doesn't care what her family thinks or anything. This situation is out of control and I finally stepped in. I finally told her what I felt and what she's doing wrong. I lost control... I don't think I said anything I will regreat, but I did blow up at her. Now, I know its not the Biblical thing to do, but I was done. I was done listening to her blatenly disrespect my mother and use words that offend me. I was done with her little temper tantrums and acting like she's the queen of the world. I was done with her pulling the "I'm 18 card". I'm 22 and still have to follow the rules in the house. I'm tired of dealing with and doing damage control for her lies and I shouldn't have to deal with this. I've prayed, I've yelled, I've dealt, I'm done. I'm so tired of this. I don't think I've ever longed for a boyfriend as much as I did tonight. Someone to sit with me and listen to me scream and yell about the stuff going on, someone who would wrap his arms around me and tell me that God's plan is soverign and will work out in the end. Someone to kiss me on the forehead and let me know that he loves me and will be praying for me. Someone to pull their Bible out and share with me a passage from God's word that comforts me. I mean, I can do that for myself, but sometimes, it just means more or can help more if someone takes the time to care. I'm not saying that their aren't people who care, look on my family members facebook pages... It tells you a lot. I guess I'm just longing for a guy to hold me and cuddle with me and talk me through the pain. I don't want to be alone anymore. Physically alone... I know that God is here, and I know that he holds me in his hands no matter what happens, but sometimes I long for something I little more material. And I pray that that doesn't make me a horrible person. I pray that God understands just what I mean. I pray that this storm reaches a calming place, that this storm lightens just enough that I can see some sun. I pray that things just get better. I pray that life doesn't suck anymore. I pray that my prayers are answered and my dreams become reality. Because I'm so tired of mediocraty. I'm done...