What now?

I don't even know where to begin. I can't begin to put into words what I'm feeling. There isn't any. This feeling of being alone, this feeling of depression, this feeling of not being good enough... overwhelms my soul. I know that God has a plan, and I'm trying to be faithful and I'm trying to let God just take control, but its so hard. I think the biggist issue for me is this relationship bit. I'm sure if you counted up all the blogs, and the songs, and the poems I've written about relationships and love and what not, it would be countless!!! Its so important for me to be loved. I know that its a human reaction, that its something we all go through, but I feel empty inside! I long for a relationship that lasts!!! I don't think I've ever felt true love. I've never felt that feeling of being loved by someone who isn't family. I mean, I fall so hard for someone I don't even know, even when I know that they won't love me back!!! I'm not pretty enough, I'm not skinny enough and I don't have enough personality to have people get to know me. My dreams don't come true, I've screwed my life up countless times, and no one wants a person with a "past". HE will never be into me. My relationship with God isn't strong like his. I'm not attractive in any way and I know he would never look twice at me. HE has it... he has the talent, the relationship with God and I'm sure if I got to know him, he would add up to my "list" of qualities. Will I ever add up to someone's list of qualities? I long for someone to look me in the eyes and say "Elisabeth Ann, I love you and you are so beautiful". I want to be in sweatpants and have a fever of 102 and I want someone to sit on my bed and say "Elisabeth Ann, I love you and you are so beautiful". I want to walk down the aisle in a church, wearing all white, surronded by all my friends and family and have someone say "Elisabeth Ann, I love you and you are so beautiful". I have all these wants and desires and there's no telling you when they are going to happen. I don't even have to be famous. My dream to be signed to a record contract is so far gone now. I don't want that. I don't want the world to know my name. I don't want to meet and marry a Jonas Brother... I just want to be married. I mean, I'm surely not going to complain if that happens... Shoot that would be amazing!!! Lol... but I just long for someone to hold me, to hold my hand in the mall, to wrap their arms around me when we are watching a movie, to just stare at me. I want someone to be enthralled with me. Is it weird that I want this? That all I long for is love? I don't want to be rich, I don't want to be famous, I want him to love me. We could work all day and all night... we could clip coupons for the rest of our lives... Shoot, we could live on welfare, but as long as we had God and each other, I'm positive we'd get through it. Am I being a hopeless romantic? Am I living in some dreamworld? Because if I am, please set me straight!!! I'm sure that there is a guy out there that will love me for just being me. For my goofy, crazy, introverted, loud, musically talented, emotional wreak that I am! For my ups and downs, my sins and blessings, my everything. Its so hard to see people who aren't even trying to live a life worthy of God getting everything I've ever wanted. People who aren't Christians have amazing marriages, its mindboggling to me. Its hard for me to grasp why, when I try to focus on God and live right that I don't get what I want, but people who don't even believe in God get what they want? I'm just complaining now and thats not cool. God has blessed me with so much and I need to praise him in this storm, even though I don't want to. He has everything undercontrol and I love him so much. I thank God for giving me the air to breath and the food to eat and for a house and a family that loves me and a job that pays me and a car that drives (sometimes) and friends that care... I'm so blessed and I shouldn't take any of that for granted... but its so hard. Its so hard to see what I want and not be able to get it. Mmm... it hurts to not be loved like I want to be loved. Not to be with that person that I want to be with... it will get better... right?