Holiday Cheer?

So... In two days it will be Christmas. A holiday that should be happy and beautiful... A holiday that celebrates the life of Jesus. If that's the case, then why do I frown? I think the holidays set you up for disappointment. You see commercials and you see the couples and you don't have what they say you should have. You walk around, with the snow and the lights and you see couples walking hand in hand, smiling and cuddling and you know that that's never going to happen for you. But is that what it should be like? No! Not at all... Who cares if you don't have a boyfriend... The world contradicts its self... Women should be impowered, they should independent, they shouldn't depend on men. Totally opposite of what the entertainment industry tells us... Ugh, what does a women do? What happens when my longing for a boyfriend, for an uplifting life companion, overcomes my desire to to be a music artist. Its an awful feeling, the feeling of confusion, mixed with frustration and a pinch of depression. It can bring even the strongest person to their knees.

But then there's the question of, if I do get a boyfriend, what changes? Am I going to be ridiculously happy or will I still struggle with depression? I'm tired of wanting to be loved... I'm tired of it because I don't get it. Lol... Its a vicious cycle if you ask me.

But it is Christmas and I am looking forward to dressing up and going to the Christmas Eve service and being with family... It will be awesome! It will be nice to go to Pennsylvania and hang with family I don't get to see very often, it will be nice to get away for a few days... Hopefully to figure out what's really going on in my life, to figure out what I'm really going to do with the rest of my life.

Oh, I'm looking for something to do for New Years... Any ideas?!?

Waiting... on what?

I don't mean to be depressed... I don't want to be. I would much rather just smile and pretend that everything is ok... But I can't. I can't just sit here and say that I'm doing ok. I am tired physically and emotionally... Drama is rampant in my life and its awful. Shouldn't I be content with my life? I mean, isn't that what they teach you? "Be content with God's plan" "Be content with what God's got for you" But how can you be content in a world that throws things like beauty and riches into your face. How can you be content when the dreams you dream don't seem to be available to you at all... I hate that I just want to curl into a ball and cry my eyes out, just want to stop living my life. Can I classify that as seasonal depression? Even if every season is depressing? I guess I need to stop planning for my dreams... I need to look towards tomorrow but tomorrow isn't looking all that good. My dreams are far away, they look like they aren't even close. Do I really have to realize that my dreams aren't going to happen and start planning for a mediocre life? Work that dead end job, marry the guy that's good for me instead of my dream guy? Well, at least its going to snow... Maybe.

Running out of Time...

So, do you ever get that feeling like maybe you are running out of time to get any of your dreams? I mean, I'm 22 and I'm not getting any older. Can I keep pushing my talents and trying to get that record company and or acting contract... how old does a person have to be to realize that their dreams won't come true? I mean, can dreams come true? Are dreams the product of an unrealized part of Gods plan? I mean, does God give us dreams so that we can aspire to reach them, so that his plan is accomplished... wait... does that make since? I mean, can my want and desire to perform just be that... a want? I feel like this is one of those questions that I ask a lot... that I mull over and over in my mind trying to find that answer. It might be too far to say that it haunts me but it troubles me that I'm not content. Restless... very restless... my body feels disconnected from the world, like I'm watching the rest of civilization get exactly what they want and here I am... lost and confused.

I know that I really need a better outlook on life... lol... I feel like I'm always depressed when I blog. I'm really not a depressed person, its just easier for me to explain my feelings in words instead of explaining them in person. Yea, doesn't really make since, but whateves. I don't really have any one to talk to either... well, I definitely have friend who will listen, but I don't like to bother people with my problems... So I'm bothering the two people who read my blog. Who are actually my two best friends, who actually know my issues. So... yea.

I guess I need to stop watching "Hannah Montana The Movie"... lol Because she has what I want and it makes me cry and then makes me depressed that I will never get that moment in my life. That I will never know what it feels like to stand on a stage, surrounded by millions of fans, spotlight, applause, loud bass and electric guitar... feeling the bumping of the drums in my chest... the vibrations of the clapping on the stage... standing there with a huge smile on my face. Meeting fans who tell me that my music has touched their lives and having my fans change my life as well. Using my talents to help further God's kingdom. Gee... Its so close!!! I'm so close to my dreams yet so so far away.

One of these days I'll be a nationally renowned recording artist, right?

holiday season

Its been a weird couple of months... So much stuff has happened that I can't even begin to explain...

So its nearing Thanksgiving which means that its close to Christmas which means its close to New Years Eve which means its close to Valentines Day. Ugh, I love the holidays, its just that it sets you up for disappointment... You see commercials and hear songs about spending the holidays with someone special... But what happens when I don't have that someone special to spend the holidays with. I mean, I have family and friends who I spend it with but its different. I hate that this is what I long for... I hate that I want a relationship so badly that I get depressed around the holidays because of it. Why can't God just be enough for me? Why can't my family and friends just be enough for me? When will I learn that a male companion isn't going to make my life worth living? I don't know... Just venting.

Awesome News

so fun night... i worked from 5 to 815 and then booked it to the SAnctus Real concert! They were actually pretty flipping awesome! i also got my legit audition information email from America's Got Talent today! October 25th @ 9AM is my audition and i have a good feeling about this. This is my time to shine!!! i cant wait!!! Im starting a strict training and practicing schedule tomorrow to get really ready for it! Please pray that if this is Gods will that i will advance in these tryouts... this is my dream and i really want to live it. Anywho, gotta go to sleep now, its late and i have to get up early =/ Goodnight Friends!

Epic Fail

I'm not really sure how to begin this blog. Its been a ridiculously long week and this coming week is going to be so much worse. I'm kinda getting tired of walking around with a smile plastered to my face, pretending that I'm happy. Well... I'm happy to a degree, but crap is filling up my life and making it hard to see the good in the bad. I mean, seriously, its not even relationships that I'm talking about. Its stupid, little things... ok, not so little things, but stuff that shouldn't be stressing my life out are. My car for instance. I don't have the money to fix it nor do I have the money to get a new one. And then there's this thing with my sister. I can't get into much detail, but it isnt' good. She's making decisions that will ruin her life if she follows through with them. And she doesn't care what her family thinks or anything. This situation is out of control and I finally stepped in. I finally told her what I felt and what she's doing wrong. I lost control... I don't think I said anything I will regreat, but I did blow up at her. Now, I know its not the Biblical thing to do, but I was done. I was done listening to her blatenly disrespect my mother and use words that offend me. I was done with her little temper tantrums and acting like she's the queen of the world. I was done with her pulling the "I'm 18 card". I'm 22 and still have to follow the rules in the house. I'm tired of dealing with and doing damage control for her lies and I shouldn't have to deal with this. I've prayed, I've yelled, I've dealt, I'm done. I'm so tired of this. I don't think I've ever longed for a boyfriend as much as I did tonight. Someone to sit with me and listen to me scream and yell about the stuff going on, someone who would wrap his arms around me and tell me that God's plan is soverign and will work out in the end. Someone to kiss me on the forehead and let me know that he loves me and will be praying for me. Someone to pull their Bible out and share with me a passage from God's word that comforts me. I mean, I can do that for myself, but sometimes, it just means more or can help more if someone takes the time to care. I'm not saying that their aren't people who care, look on my family members facebook pages... It tells you a lot. I guess I'm just longing for a guy to hold me and cuddle with me and talk me through the pain. I don't want to be alone anymore. Physically alone... I know that God is here, and I know that he holds me in his hands no matter what happens, but sometimes I long for something I little more material. And I pray that that doesn't make me a horrible person. I pray that God understands just what I mean. I pray that this storm reaches a calming place, that this storm lightens just enough that I can see some sun. I pray that things just get better. I pray that life doesn't suck anymore. I pray that my prayers are answered and my dreams become reality. Because I'm so tired of mediocraty. I'm done...

What now?

I don't even know where to begin. I can't begin to put into words what I'm feeling. There isn't any. This feeling of being alone, this feeling of depression, this feeling of not being good enough... overwhelms my soul. I know that God has a plan, and I'm trying to be faithful and I'm trying to let God just take control, but its so hard. I think the biggist issue for me is this relationship bit. I'm sure if you counted up all the blogs, and the songs, and the poems I've written about relationships and love and what not, it would be countless!!! Its so important for me to be loved. I know that its a human reaction, that its something we all go through, but I feel empty inside! I long for a relationship that lasts!!! I don't think I've ever felt true love. I've never felt that feeling of being loved by someone who isn't family. I mean, I fall so hard for someone I don't even know, even when I know that they won't love me back!!! I'm not pretty enough, I'm not skinny enough and I don't have enough personality to have people get to know me. My dreams don't come true, I've screwed my life up countless times, and no one wants a person with a "past". HE will never be into me. My relationship with God isn't strong like his. I'm not attractive in any way and I know he would never look twice at me. HE has it... he has the talent, the relationship with God and I'm sure if I got to know him, he would add up to my "list" of qualities. Will I ever add up to someone's list of qualities? I long for someone to look me in the eyes and say "Elisabeth Ann, I love you and you are so beautiful". I want to be in sweatpants and have a fever of 102 and I want someone to sit on my bed and say "Elisabeth Ann, I love you and you are so beautiful". I want to walk down the aisle in a church, wearing all white, surronded by all my friends and family and have someone say "Elisabeth Ann, I love you and you are so beautiful". I have all these wants and desires and there's no telling you when they are going to happen. I don't even have to be famous. My dream to be signed to a record contract is so far gone now. I don't want that. I don't want the world to know my name. I don't want to meet and marry a Jonas Brother... I just want to be married. I mean, I'm surely not going to complain if that happens... Shoot that would be amazing!!! Lol... but I just long for someone to hold me, to hold my hand in the mall, to wrap their arms around me when we are watching a movie, to just stare at me. I want someone to be enthralled with me. Is it weird that I want this? That all I long for is love? I don't want to be rich, I don't want to be famous, I want him to love me. We could work all day and all night... we could clip coupons for the rest of our lives... Shoot, we could live on welfare, but as long as we had God and each other, I'm positive we'd get through it. Am I being a hopeless romantic? Am I living in some dreamworld? Because if I am, please set me straight!!! I'm sure that there is a guy out there that will love me for just being me. For my goofy, crazy, introverted, loud, musically talented, emotional wreak that I am! For my ups and downs, my sins and blessings, my everything. Its so hard to see people who aren't even trying to live a life worthy of God getting everything I've ever wanted. People who aren't Christians have amazing marriages, its mindboggling to me. Its hard for me to grasp why, when I try to focus on God and live right that I don't get what I want, but people who don't even believe in God get what they want? I'm just complaining now and thats not cool. God has blessed me with so much and I need to praise him in this storm, even though I don't want to. He has everything undercontrol and I love him so much. I thank God for giving me the air to breath and the food to eat and for a house and a family that loves me and a job that pays me and a car that drives (sometimes) and friends that care... I'm so blessed and I shouldn't take any of that for granted... but its so hard. Its so hard to see what I want and not be able to get it. Mmm... it hurts to not be loved like I want to be loved. Not to be with that person that I want to be with... it will get better... right?

wow

Ok... So a lot has happened since I last blogged. Major crap... My sister left home and started terrible rumors about my family. She's back now. My car has gotten worse. I fixed it. My love life is still as stagnant as before. There was a guy but not anymore. And the guy I like now doesn't seem to get it. Ugh, I put myself through this all the time. I like a guy, he and I start a friendship, I then start reading into the tiniest things and then when he shows up with another girl, my heart breaks. Its hopeless for me. I don't understand this want and need to be in a relationship when I know its not going to happen. Why can't guys see me for who I am and not for what I look like? Is there a guy out there for me? If God knows my inner most desires, then he knows my desire to be a mom and a wife and it will happen... Right? I don't know. I'm tired, ill blog more later.

hmmm

I guess its to be expected that after an amazing missions trip like Stubenville, getting back into the swing of things would be hard. I mean, there are certain things that are easy to get back into, but they aren't good. Like cursing, like being lazy, like being disrespectful... ugh... I want to be a different person, but its so hard when the people you are around at work do the very same thing! Its hard being a Christian in such a secular world, and its not anything new. The feeling like I'm a failure is sometimes so overwhelming. I don't want to be one of those Christians who sins because they know that God will forgive them. I want to be full of God's love and joy for a long time... I get so brought down by the world, I get so upset about the different crazy things that go on around me that its hard to concentrate on the things of God.

And what happens when you think yo'uve met your soul mate? Lol... I feel as if we've had this conversation before... lol... I mean honestly...

I might be getting a promotion at my job... HOLLA!!! YeaYea!!! lol... Definitly an answer to prayers... God is so amazing!!!!

I think I wanna be a part of Summer Staff for Youthworks next summer... I think its something I might be good at. I would love to spend a Summer just working for God and helping out local communities and neighborhoods. That would be amazing!!!

Well, I think I'm going to watch some TV...

Stubenville, Ohio

Wow... so I just got back from the most amazing missions trip I have ever been on. We went to Stubenville, Ohio and participated in Work Projects and Kids Club... awesome. I can't even begin to explain the amazing things that happened this week. God spoke to me in incredible ways... my kids grew closer than before... I had way to much fun... lol...

God is amazing. I'm so in love with him and he's already blessed me way to much since I've been home.

Driving home, I was on the verge of tears the whole intire time. I didn't want to leave. I'm not really sure why, but I do know that it was amazing!!!!

Forgotten

Ugh... its been a long time since I've been this depressed. A very long time. I'm not happy and things in my life just keep getting worse. I'm not really sure what to do...

So, I really feel as if some of my "friends" have forgotten about me. I feel like I make efforts to hang out and make plans, but my friends don't. I'm just someone they can use. Someone that gives them what they need, and when I'm not a necessity anymore, they just throw me out. And this will be construed as I'm just trying to make drama... but I'm really hurting. I don't want to draw attention to myself, but really? If I don't say anything, it will keep happening. So I feel like a dumb ass when I post something on facebook or on my art page because I don't want people to think I'm just looking for attention. I'M NOT!!!! I'm in pain and I just want it to stop. I'm pysically alone... Spiritually, I know that God is there and I'm so thankful for the love and forgiveness he has given me, but honestly... I need something to touch!!! I need someone to love me for real.

Every person has a love language. Mine are the following: 1) words: meaning, saying kind things that build me up 2) actions: meaning, showing me that you care... I don't think those things are hard!! I'm not asking for presents or money or stupid meaningless stuff like that, I'm asking for someone to make a sacrifice for me. To show me that they really do care.

I hate crying, but its been a long time since I've felt like this. A long time since I've wanted to just lie in bed with the covers over my head and cry... for a very very very long time. But I'm a big girl. I have a job that depends on me and bills that won't just wait forever. I have things that need to get done, so I won't be that girl... that girl that is depressed and stays depressed. I will move on, I will find new friends and be more careful with the things I agree to do. I won't let this bring me down. I'm determined to be better and to make a difference...

So there!!!!!!

Alone

Wow... its been a rough day. I don't know what it is, but lately, I've been feeling very alone. I mean, I like being alone and to myself, but I guess I wish I had a friend who made sacrifices for me. Does that sound mean? I guess I just wish I had people banging down my door to hang out with me. I try and hang out with people, I initiate contact and offer to pick them up and drive them wherever they want to go. I love my friends and I would go to the ends of the earth for them, but would they do that for me? I don't want to be selfish. And I definitly don't want to be a jerk about it, I just want to know what I'm doing wrong. Is it just me? I can change... I just don't think its all me... ugh.

I know that God and I aren't on the best of terms... I'm trying. Probably not hard enough. I feel lonely, abandoned, used, hurt... ugh. It feels like high school again. Like I'm depressed and suicidal. Work doesn't bring me joy, life doesn't bring me joy, my head hurts from heart ache and I'm tired of my dreams being smacked against an invisible wall, breaking into a million pieces. Duct tape can't fix that mess. I don't want to give up on my dreams, but they aren't happening and I don't think they ever will. I'm destined to be an old lady, stuck in this retched place called Delaware, working my dead beat job, and hanging out with high schoolers. Not married, not singing, not acting, not having children. THIS SUCKS!!!!

Sorry, I'm venting. I should be thankful for the blessings God has given me, like the paycheck that I got today that will take away some of the stress of being a grown up. Like the two songs I banged out on the piano tonight in like thirty minutes that I love. Like some of the people I work with that do make me smile and laugh. Like the guy I have a crush on... ok, so thats like a thankful and a stressful thing :)

Will this get better? Will this pain end? Will my questions be answered? Not tonight. I see another restless night in my future. I better get used to insomnia.

Changing

So, remember when I told you that I was afraid that God was going to point out some pretty painful areas in my life on this missions trip. Yea... I didn't even get to the missions trip. God has already started!!! I've really made a mess of the past few days. I've turned away from God and started taking my own ideas and plans. I wasn't listening to God. I wasn't paying attention to the warning signs. I was so frustrated with my lack of social life, that I had to create this whole other me. Like, I was someone completly different. I hurt a few people and even made a fool out of myself. It took me telling my kids to stop looking to themselves and to start looking to God to realize that I was messed up. Ugh...

I was driving home tonight and there was an amazing full moon. And I saw the shadows on the moon that always remind me of a face. And in my head, this song started playing :"I see the moon and the moon sees me. The moon sees somebody I'd like to see. God bless the moon and God bless me. God bless the someboday I'd like to see." Talk about conviction!! I was so convicted... I had to stop. I had to turn my life around. God has blessed me so much in the past months and I take him for granted. I take this blessed life he has handed me and I throw it back. I basically tell God that his plan sucks!!! That my plan is ten times better than his and who cares what he thinks. My time here is already short enough. Why would I want to put myself in a place that can endager me! I can be really stupid sometimes and really thick headed and really selfish. But I do know that God has me where he wants me right now. I might not always be in this place, but right now... I am where he wants me. He isn't finished with me yet.

I'm sorry to those I've hurt and pushed away. My heart hurts with the knowledge that sometimes, pain has to happen before the healing.

Umm... I'm slacking

So, its July 5th and the last time I updated my blog was well... March 16th and let me tell you. SO MUCH has happened since then. So, here we go.

I wasn't able to go to LA for my cousin's wedding, due to an unexpected car repair that I needed to get done. I wasn't able to have the money for the tickets and the hotel. I also didn't want to be a bother to the people there, cause I was going to have to rely on other people to get from place to place... not fun. I was uber bummed about it though. I really wanted to get to LA to see Chad and Jessica but I guess God had another plan for me. I don't know what that was, but whateves.

Also, my music hasn't really taken off like I thought it was going to. The person that said they would help promote my stuff is... well... I don't know where he is. But there is an opportunity for me to collaborate with another artist in my area, I just need to get back into the studio to re record a song and what not. I'm writing a lot more on the piano, so I have kinda a new sound. It will be interesting to see if I'm able to record more in the coming months.

Anywho, life isn't any different than when I last left you. Still working at Cosi on Main and like it well enough. I have a lot of resposibility there and am looking for a management position. But we'll see. I don't work at Chick-Fil-A any more, but don't ya know, that as soon as I leave there, my hours at Cosi start to suck. Ugh... what can I do? Youth group is going well. We got back from our Middle School mission's trip to Ocean Grove, NJ on Wednesday and we had a blast. The kids did an amazing job working and not complaining. It was so cool to see God work in their lives just in the short amount of time we were there. Those kids have so much potential and God is going to use them in great ways. I'm so excited to be able to see that!!! July 26th, we are leaving for Stubenville, Ohio with our high schoolers. The high school trips seems to take a lot more out of me emotionally and physically. We are constinitly working and the days are long and hard. The drama is bigger and harder to control as well. I'm looking forward to it though. It will be awesome to see God in the kids lives and what not. I'm afraid that God is going to show up though and point out some pretty painful stuff in my life. I mean, he already does that, its just that when I'm on a mission's trip, I always feel like God is closer and more outspoken. Must have to do with the fact that when I'm on a mission's trip, I have no doubt in my mind that I'm doing God's will. Such a cool feeling!!

Well, its a Sunday and I'm putting off doing housework. Ugh... I'll be back later!!!

P.S. follow me on twitter : www.twitter.com/LissieDunn

exciting new opportunities

So its been awhile since I've written but since the last time I wrote, I've got some awesome new opportunities! This summer I'm heading to Cali for my cousins wedding, its been a goal of mine to get to LA since I was a little girl and now I get that chance! I'm also kinda getting promoted at work and the extra hours will bring in enough money to help me catch up on my payments and pay for the things I want to happen this summer! I'm also writting some more songs, they are basically on the piano but I'm really excited about it! Anywho, looking foward to more opportunities in the future.

God is really teaching me a lot lately... And a lot of it is eye opening for me. It hurts me to know that I'm hurting him by sinning... Ugh... I'm so thankful for his mercy and grace. I just pray that I learn my lessons well and am able to reach the people around me for him.

Well, 5 will come fast and early tomorrow so I'm going to leave you here!

Love always, peace forever!

Lissie

P.S. Follow me on twitter! www.twitter.com/LissieDunn

what just happened?

Its Thursday, David crowder band is performing at Red Lion tonight and I'm super excited! Mr. Crowder is an exceptional musician and worship leader. Um kinda jealous... Haha. So last night we had this traveling band come and do youth group for us and they were awesome. I can't for the life of me remember the name of the group but they were from the north west... MN maybe? They were all very talented and I looked at my friend Morgan and was like, "why am I not doing this?" its definitely something I would find joy in but I can't leave this youth group hanging. Mark was like, I don't want you to... Haha... And to be completly honest, the guys were so cute! Haha... Anywho, I'm still sick and now I feel like I'm dying from being to tired... Life isn't fun right now... But of course when is it?

Well, I'm working so ill catch you on the flip side!

burned out

It hasn't been the best week for me. I've been trying to get over this cold that I've had for three weeks now and I've been super busy.

Middle school youth group is taking it out of me. They are so frustrating! They don't listen, They talk back, and they are super disrespectful. Last night I just ended my talk with me walking away! I can't do it! It must be me because if Debra or Chris talk, they listen, but when I talk, they talk to their neighbors or they talk back to me. Its not really fair. I love these kids and I want to teach them something about God but they don't want to hear it. Now, there are definitely some kids who do want to and who respect me and its those kids who I'm staying for. This youth group is my Home... No matter what they do, they can't make me love them any less. It might sound silly but in all seriousness, if I left them, I would be only screwing with their minds and I would be leaving them at their most vulnerable time. I can't do that to those kids, even if they make me cry.

I guess the best part of this week so far is that I recorded a three track EP. I'm so excited about it... And we are going on a retreat on friday! I'm really praying that God speaks to these kids and to me this weekend!

Welp. Ill see you on the flipside!

busy day

Wow, its tuesday and that means I'm busy from 7 in the morning until 9 that night... I work at Cosi and then direct a third grade elite choir and then I go to work at Chick Fil A... Fun times! I'm so tired today tho!

Last night I laid down a three track EP and I'm so excited about it. I feel as if I can now pursue my dreams... I now have the means of getting farther in my singing... It sounds pretty cool...

I guess I'm still trying to figure out what God is trying to show me. I mean, I know what he wants me to change and I'm working on it, but I feel like he's telling me something else. I don't know what it is and I'm trying to achieve the goals set out for me, but I seem to fail at that.

Well, just a snippit of a very hectic day, check back through the day I and ill keep you updated!

Love,
LissieAnn

opportunity

Its Monday, february 16th... Two days after Valentine's Day. I hate Valentine's Day... But this year, it was actually a fun day. I went out with my sister and my good friend to dinner and a movie and we got dressed up and looked silly eating at Red Robin but who cares! Friday I had my first gig type thing... It was for my friends church to raise money for the youth group. I had a lot of fun planning my set list and being on stage was a dream. And today I'm going to be recording my first single! I'm so excited! Hopefully this will be the beginning of my dreams!

alone...

I'm feeling really alone today. I know its satan telling me that I'm alone and worthless but its working. I'm so discouraged... Frustrated with the way things aren't working out. I know that I want to work with and in the church but I'm failing. I'm failing at being who God wants me to be and failing at helping people come to know Christ. Ugh...I feel like I'm losing my kids at youth group. That they are so used to seeing me as an equal and now they are forced to see me as their leader. As someone they have to listen to. I don't want to lose them because they are my friends, I just want some respect. Is that so hard to expect? I mean, I'm supposed to be respected,right? I think I've earned their respect. I've never betrayed their trust and I truly care for them. I spend a good amount of time preparing lessons for them, hoping that God will teach them something but my time goes to waste. I end up telling them that they are disrespectful. I'm tied to scolding the kids. I'm not old enough to be their parents... Ugh...

Its been a rough day. I'm sick and frustrated. My drama team is performing on Sunday for all three services and it has to be perfect. Its a very important drama that can't be messed up. I guess I'm not worried they are going to mess up, I'm worried I'm not worthy enough to present this skit. That for some reason, someone is going to look down on me for performing it. Dumb, I know. But I'm scared that the congregation won't be open to it. That they will just see a bunch of teenagers on stage fooling around.

Well, I'm tied and its getting late, so I'm off to bed...

See you on the flip side!

Lissieann

O the irony

I don't even know where to begin. After a great weekend, I find myself hiding away in the darkness of my room watching romantic movies. Ok, so I watched "Perfect Man" and "Sweeney Todd". But the point is, why is it that I allow the devil to bring me to such a low! Its so frustrating that I get like this. I can hear God telling me that before he uses me in a leadership position I need to change my life around! I know where to start I just can't seem to get there! Ugh!

Is it wrong for me to desire a relationship with an amazing Christian man who not only loves God but loves music and can treat me like a woman? I'm beginning to wonder if I'm going to ever have a man, a husband, a friendship on fire, a love of my life... Am I to be single for the rest of my life?

I know this isn't one of my brightest blogs but I guess I had to get that off my chest.

See you on the flip side!

Lissieann

YAY FRIDAY

So, here I sit. Waiting to start a job that isn't all that exciting. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy working here. I guess I just have so many dreams that need to be fixed. For instance, what's truly stopping me from becoming a solo artist? Money? Time? What? I definitely don't have the money but you can record a CD with a small budget. I can always make time for my dreams... Nope... Here's what's stopping me... FEAR! I'm afraid to reach out and meet my goals. Ugh! I hate it! I have no confidence in myself or my talents and being a child of God I should have that confidence. He's given me these talents for a reason and I should use them to the best of my ability. I should actually use them! Its so frustresting when you watch American Idol and you KNOW that you are as good if not better then some of those making it to Hollywood. Ok, I'm done feeaking out. Its Friday so I'm in a good mood. And this weekend will be uneventful and stressless because the high school is going on their retreat tonight so its just me and my parents and I don't work this weekend except for babysitting the kid on Saturday! It should be a good night to do all of my laundry and clean my room and watch some movies and maybe even get my hair done and my nails done...hmm... I'm so ready! Haha! Well, I hope this Friday treats the two of you who read this blog well and ill catch up with you tommorrow!

Peace,
LissieAnn

celebrities shining in a world of darkness

So, something we've learned in our Sunday school class is that the world needs people our age to step up and speak out for Christ and his kingdom. The book we've been studying talks about needing people in the media who shines through the darkness. Now, my favorite band in the whole entire world is the Jonas Brothers. I know, I know, I'm a 21 year old with posters of 21,19, and 16 year olds on my wall and that's weird. But in all seriousness, these three boys from New Jersey are making an impact in the world. They are setting the standard for kids around them and proving to the world that young people can make a difference to. These boys are postice role models and talented kids who love what they do and love doing it. Their fans typically range from the itty bitty ones to around 16 or 17 and then there's fans like me who are 21 and older who enjoy their music as well. They have this website called fanfamilyexperience.com and its awesome. I'm going to be writting about them a lot so be prepared to be jonased! Hehe! Thanks for reading!

LissieAnn